The Vermont Pigman
by Jet556
Summary: The fabled Pigman releases a base choler upon encroaching adolescents when a group of high schoolers from Norrisville come into the Pigman's domain.
1. Moretown

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 **Moretown**

Once more what would have been a romantic trip between Ken Finlayson and his girlfriend Heidi Weinerman ended up being hijacked by three people. Who? Randy Cunningham, Theresa Fowler and Bucky Hensletter. Ken did not give them a hard time about this. He had a heart for lovers, being one himself, and was hoping Randy and Theresa would get together before the year was out. As for Bucky, he was very much someone who would grant someone protection, since Bucky was running away from Bash and so Ken allowed him to come along for the day, as long as he stay where he could be found.

"So…" began Ken as they arrived in Moretown. "None of you are going to go to the Devil's Washbowl are you?"

"Ken… You know me, I do not go out looking for danger." Said Randy.

"Theersa, I mean Theersa, I mean Theresa, is Cunningham saying that with a straight face?" asked Ken.

"He is, that video was fake after all." Replied Theresa. "Besides it isn't like this Pigman really exists." Ken parked his car and then looked back at Theresa. "Anymore! I mean, you say it was first encountered in the, what, 1971?"

"Yeah?"

"And you say this thing is just deformed feral person?"

"Yes."

"Then depending on how old he was when first encountered he has got to be either old and slow or dead." Said Theresa. "Can't we just go in search of his… Wait a minute, why am I negotiating with you? Me and Randy will just go check out that cave!" Theresa and Randy both got out of Ken's car and were about to go to the Devil's Washbowl until they realized they had no idea where it was. Thus they went to ask someone where it was.

Ken sighed. "Bucky…"

"What?"

"Go stop them."

"I thought you told me to—"

"I know what I told you! Just do what I'm saying now! Go stop them!"

"I don't know! Did you bring your triangle and dinger?" asked Ken.

"Never leave home without it." Replied Bucky. Ken couldn't believe he had just heard such a cliché response. "Why?"

"Play badly until they come back here!"

"That's your plan?" asked Heidi. "Have him play badly until they come back? Lets just go and get them! Did you bring your tomahawk?"

"No, Heidi. Try that out of Norrisville and I could get arrested."

"I don't mean to interrupt but if there is some monster here too then are they really going to care?" asked Bucky.

"We can debate this some other time." Said Ken. "Bucky, you just… Alright… we'll all go! Heidi, you talk Theresa out of this… Wait a minute, is this even normal for her? Something does not seem right here. This does not seem normal for either of them… Does it? I feel like this is something I should know about my friends and neighbors. This must not be how they usually are for surely they would not go in search of danger… Or would they not? Perhaps, they both agreed to this. Do sight seeing! Starting with the most infamous part of—"

"Ken, honey…" Heidi placed a hand on Ken's shoulder. "You're starting to monologue. Lets just go and get them!"

"Okay. Is Bucky already out of the car?"

"I'm still here!" exclaimed Bucky. "I have not left the car!"


	2. The Devil's Washbowl

**Welcome back everyone. Short but I'm tired and really this is what we want. Enjoy and review.**

 **The Devil's Washbowl**

Walking down the side of the road called "the Devil's Washbowl", Randy and Theresa kept their eyes open for signs of the Pigman's lair. Norrisville had its Goatman who had been born in 1905 and died in 1988. Surely, this Pigman was dead as well! What was there to fear of some dead circus freak?

"It is a shame Julian is missing this." Commented Theresa. "But, I guess if he showed up then Ken would have chased him off. His car only has enough room for five people after all and one of those five is the driver and since he is the driver… Yeah, he'd just chased off Julian."

"Yeah." Agreed Randy. "And Julian would have gone screaming if the Pigman was still alive."

Alas, the two were not given a chance to further converse. It was around that time that Ken, Heidi and Bucky showed up but not in that order. The correct order was actually the reverse. It was Bucky, Heidi and then Ken. Ken was fast but unfortunately tired quite easily. That was one of two reasons why he was forced to leave the fencing team back in Leeville, the other being that he would sucker punch, groin kick and beat his opponent with the grip of his sword.

"Theresa! Rudy!" exclaimed Heidi. "Come back to town right—"

"Ah jeesze, I can't remember the last time I was this tired since the last time I was this tired… My last fencing match." Ken walked over to Randy and Theresa but not before putting his right hand on Heidi's left shoulder and his left hand on Bucky's right shoulder. "Blood of Stannis Baratheon! I feel so alive!"

"Stannis Baratheon?" asked Bucky.

"I have a feeling that Richard III of England is too obscure for three of you so I went with a little bit of George R. R. Martin." Ken then looked at Randy and Theresa. "Theresa and you who share your name with the member of the United States House of Representatives from California's 50th district! Come back to town before the Pigman shows up!"

"Ken…" began Theresa. "There is no Vermont Pigman and if there is, he is dead!"

It was at this point that the Vermont Pigman showed up. A person with a pig-like head and claws instead of hands, that was all. The Pigman was growling like a wild animal and it was mad.

This thing was real and it was not dead.


	3. Lair of the Pigman

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

 **Lair of the Pigman**

The Pigman was not the handsomest of things. It was uglier than Ken and because of that Ken felt pity for him. Ken was deformed but he was at least able to be a member of society. This poor creature was so tragic. A deformed man descended into a feral state!

Randy, Theresa, Bucky and Heidi had ran and hid in the lair of the Pigman itself: a cave with animal bones on the floor. This was very idiotic and naturally this was questioned.

"Are we trying to get killed?" asked Heidi. "Why watch a bad horror movie when you can just live it?"

"Killed?" Bucky jumped up from the cave floor and started holding his triangle dinger close to him. "I don't want to die! Maybe music will sooth the savage beast!" And with that Bucky ran from the cave.

"Bucky! Come back here!" yelled Theresa. It was all for naught. Bucky did not come back. "Oh, if only we were in Norrisville! Then the Ninja could save us!"

Randy was only able to mentally note the irony. Technically the Ninja was there but neither Theresa nor Heidi knew that the Ninja was Randy himself. But still Randy wanted to help Ken and Bucky! The former had not brought his tomahawk and Bucky's music would most likely just tick the Vermont Pigman the juice off!

"Uh, I'll go help them!" Randy himself them ran out of the cave.

When they all returned they were all uninjured and most surprisingly of all with the Pigman. Even more surprising the Pigman was not growling nor even looked at all aggressive. Instead, the Pigman looked rather peaceful and at the same time sad.

"What happened?" asked Theresa.

"Something that shall be explained on the way home to Norrisville." Replied Ken. "Now all of you get moving. " Randy, Thersa, Heidi and Bucky all left the cave with Heidi pausing to look at Ken and the Pigman. Ken merely gave Heidi a nod and she left the cave.

Alone with the Vermont Pigman, Ken stared into the eyes that should have been bestial but instead were quite human. The Pigman stared back and pointed at the cave entrance.

"Go, brother in deformity and live the life that I cannot."

 **The End**


End file.
